troubled with the tv on

slow pitch and miss
i can't get anything right.
missing everyone is a bitch
especially when they're still here.
three years and i haven't done anything
worth showing
it's all hidden on the internet
so no one can see.
i don't even know if this can count
but it does to me
tied my faith around a desperation tree
hopefully it'll come back to me
my sense of self importance that is.
a pond is as deep as an ocean if only your head's goin under.

whateversworse

come over here with your axe
i've said it all wrong again
don't kill the messenger
cause it's all my fault in the end
anyway
i'd love to make you happy
if i could only make myself
i don't wanna put it that way
but so does everybody else
"when i'm home alone i just dance by myself"
set sails for freedom
hit shore short
i've messed up completely
and my wishes are a joke



life's just an act and i'm only a stagehand.

smitten with the mitten

i never meant to stay this way
only kissers in a lovers' game
and hopeless kids in hopeful heads
couldn't dare to dream a better end.

and death slides close to me

a doctors' word is as good as his scalpel.
i'm feeling dull.
most likely to be infamous.
sew myself some dignity
i gotta keep warm somehow.
i've got a bet with the moon that stars don't mean shit
only when it's you wishing.
brisk is the new greeting
cold is the new hello.
recycled boys take out golden trash
i'm not a real boy
but hoping to be.

my nose is growing.

law & order another

i'm so tired but i can't sleep in or rest my head
i can't shut myself off
my switch is broken
frozen like a caveman and i've no heat to my name
i'm nervous
they're watching
or are they?
i'm a fixer with no tools
i'm water with no pool
put me where i belong
i'd swallow you whole
if you weren't looking.


spilling over the sides
with a hand across yr thigh
i'm just here with all my friends
and we're just here for the end
to watch it go
draw your eyes slow
'cross the room with everyone in it
so he said, she said
"well one day we'll all be dead"
but until then
i've got it all in my pen
and in my hands
you've eyes the size of the world
cause that's what i see in 'em.
be a man, boy.

happy 50th

post that is.


too happy to cry but just too sad to care
moon rocks in my pockets cuz our heads are out of orbit
i'm not a star anymore
we live for open doors
moreso fr whtvr cms nxt
successfully failing
on track to derail
i think you've got magnets on yr hips
cause i can't keep myself away
im in love with the way that i could be in love
i can't seem to forget it tho
love is patient
love is kind
what do they know

th snd n yr blnkt

i hear voices, but i'm not listening
telling me who i am and who i should be
a movie plays out in yr head
only to get a one star review in gossip bibles
i dono nymr.
i take vowels out sometimes so you can fill in the blanks
in my sentences and my passenger seat
oh how'd i'd love a night alone.
i'm a fragment to a story only everyone tells
upstairs kids hoping for wedding bells
i'm a cheap copy, a poor interpretation
i'm concretely incomplete.
butjustfornow.
---------------------
i wrote this awhile ago.
fun to look back.

had a falling out again, with myself and i.
told him to pack his shit and go.
said "they'll never split us apart"
look at us now.
caught a hold of myself, but i'm pretty sure it was bad throw
head is swimming, but my gut is sinking
i hoped you choked
but just so i could save you
we've got nothing but time on our hands
and smiles on our faces
sophomore slump is over, now we're junior disasters
soon to be senior failures.
i lost friends this year, but i gained way more.
totally not the type of people i'd imagine myself with
but that's the best part.

i wouldn't normally do this...

but...

A
L I
G H T
H O U S E
H A S A
B E A C
O N O F
L I G H
T T H A
T G U I
D E S U
S A L L
W H E R
E W E N
E E D T
O GO, B E
C A U S E W
E C A N N O T
A L W AY S S E E
W H E R E W E H A V E B E E N
O R W H E R E W E A R E G O I N G

and now my grandmama aint the only girl callin me baby

don't call home
cause i made friends with ignore
and he don' wanna talk to you no more.
we're stagnant motion, we don't make any sense
we're kids who don't love you anymore, but my waist is on the fence
stop and go, take it slow, but i didn't seem to mind
just a stowaway boy, use when you're in need
i purposely make an ass of myself, and then i virtually hang myself for it
i can't make mistakes when no one's watching
i break routine like husbands break vows
breaking my own back
i'm eating myself alive
stress is getting to me
or maybe it's me
but i don't know anymore
but what do i know
i can make a bad decision like everyones business
and don't you forget.

showcase: sundown

some people have poetic moments, imagine those never shutting off.
my life feels like that sometimes, and without love i'd be better off
I can't stop thinking about how I'll never make it out alive
then i break our and show some signs
of improvement
i'm a two-star boy with four-star dreams
and how many other people think these same exact things

lay your weapons down cause you can't stop me now

i've made out with lips and cash.
runaway boy, with all your dignity in tow
i'm a thief is so many ways.
we've drifted off so many cliffs in so few days
i'm a product endorsement for cowardice.
i can't step up to the plate
but it's not necessarily that way
so much self doubt that i could shoot everyones dreams, including my own
and just say "that's how it goes"
so that's just how it goes.

modern marvels

we're all just pine boxes waiting to be filled
lined with all the dreams we were just too scared to run after.
lives like iambic pentameter, we're all just stressed and unstressed.
i could give you anything, all you gotta do is slide off that pretty lil dress
so i'm not mr. subtle, but I don't apologize anymore
cause what do I have left to hide
look inside me and there's cobwebs and an uneasy heart
but it's mine, and it's all i've got left
never thought i'd get you off my chest.

sometimesyoujustwant more.

but you can't have any.
dangle it above your head and move it away
a child's game, but i'm not above that
you played that way, now it's my turn

we all need a hand to hold, but not one to sleight.
a shoulder to rest and not to be shrugged
a head we can swim in but not get lost in their thoughts
we need a someone, anyone
keep me warm and i won't give you away


we're just eyes in keyholes, waiting to get in
but we'll never stop pretending that our hearts haven't given in.
we need a shot at l(ust)ove for once.

i feel like gold[plated]

"just keep a hold of me and don't let go"

I cant keep my mouth shut but i got so much to say
but I said the wrong thing so maybe another day.
im not a firm believer in anything solid
Im a dreamer, what can i say
hopeless romantic for the hopelessly frantic
anyone needs everyone, and the same in reverse
he has your attention, but I got there first.
but you didn't pay me my dues, because I say stupid things
now I'll just hope for a one night drunken fling
I can't seem to impress you, or make the right moves
my head is a heart attack, I'm bruised and confused
I wish I had your freedom.

daring and bold to be shy and cowardly

i'm just a step away from being you.
vices and sins are in
and you wear 'em well.
I dono what's right anymore
I just wanna fit in
and not worry 'bout the repercussions.
don't you dare fade away on me now
I couldn't bear the thought of being alone
even tho I already am in a sense.
I get me for me and you for what you're trying to be
break outta yr shell, that I understand
but why do it with such a sleighted hand?
but that's just how we do

i love my itouch

and it loves me.

"i know i'll never die alone cuz of all of you"

i'm different, in the same kind of way
my life is an endless amount of saturdays.
put all my chips in on what i thought could happen
they called my bluff
i'll keep on lying until im lying for good
seconds are just a matter of time
i've been bad, but i do it so good
i'm not moving on cause i need to
i'm just bored of being so miserable
i wanna make irresponsible choices
for once in my life
i've been the peacemaker, the pacesetter
now i wanna sit in the back and throw spitwads
lets move and shake whatever we have
until we find the gold underneath.
"my friends are a different breed
my friends are everything...."

there's a thousand yous, and only one of me

i wrote myself in confidence but i let my secret out
but i swear by the moon and stars and your wrecked car
that i am in denial, and all you've got's the bottle
and i swear that i'll write a song about my hometown
and all my friends


so watch your back

new faces, old faces, and the awkwardness inbetween

if you present coal and call it gold, would the world stop to look?
or are you as human as you appear to be?
it's like the last day of freedom
we progress to confess
that we're not as human as we appear to be
do what you have to
to be all that he doesn't see
or at least i hope it goes that way
1 round and without a fight
you're a hope that won't see the light
it's too bad we aren't all great like you
i'm a california sky away from getting there

moderation is the key to the mundane

if i start on this, lord knows i couldn't stop
the poet in me wouldn't ever let me be happy
funny how poets usually starve
they can't make rent
'cuz words don't get you through anymore
making a living requires suit and tie these days
we killed our own creativity


i can't go for long on these legs i have
they'll carry this heart 'til they break
not gonna tear you down this time. no, i've got a better head
at least for this entry; the next one and you're dead.
money makes the world turn, kinda like that soap
but whatever happened to actions and phrases?


yours in misbehaving,

a freshman to this sophomore slump, a junior to a senior failure

i've got a god complex but no one to rule.
a good shot but lacking a place to aim
i can't even holster this enigmatic feeling
but i'm done with being nothing, let's start something
i've got lighter fluid if you've got the match.
so here we go, under the covers
starting with the clothes, we're tearing each other
down to the nuts and bolts of an operation much bigger than you or i
or even we
we've got so many things to get past, but i can't seem to adjust
you've got your sense of self, and i've got my lust
and not much else at this point



here's to hoping for more than what we're offered.xx

fortune, fame, and platnium records: every boys dream.

"and i've cast a spell over the midwest to make you think of me."

i guess i was never good at magic.
i'm in your head, i've made a mess, i'm the hole in your sweet tooth
do you remember the way i told you how i felt about you? neither do i.
it's not a question of who or if, or even a wonder why
it's my lack of smooth moves and self confidence.
so take it a notch below 'hatred', but stop before 'jealousy'
[ cue your car being one with a tree]
i paved the way for me, cause there aint nobody else.
and that's how i got this shirt saying 'i slept with me, and and now look at myself'


♥-cause you know what that means.

stickup [stuck on you]

how could you miss something you never had?
i was under the impression that you couldn't.
you learn something new everyday.
nobody loves the almost-heroes, the second-in commands
it's glory that rises above the slighted hands
shaky voices and unsure whispers
of "how could you do this to me?"
i told you what i wasn't, and what i was sorry for
and it's all i have left
stand in the rain cause it's a familiar feeling
of being outside of your window, wishing to come in
but let's get it together, if only for a second
he has a better chance and he doesn't even know it
or maybe he does.
carve a name into a tree, next to the will [k]nots and won't do's.
scars and cars, you've heard it all before
but i'm about to bring it to your front door.

you're way too beautiful girl, that's why it'll never work...

a casual mess, a lighthearted distress
and a head too big for its brain.
used to put it all on the line, but that's too hard
is it over yet? all i have are stories and scars
isn't it obvious? i never said it
but if i did, i would sure as hell have meant it
i'm another reason
to douse the fire in your eyes
chalk it up to many
i never said this hurts
but i've contemplated plenty
but i might be in luck
but this time, my words are not enough

even though the blames on you, i'll take that blame from you

if i apologize for being wrong, for the things i did and didn't do, maybe it'll be different

i'm sorry for being a terrible son
i'm sorry for myself for not being your one
i'm sorry for the things i didn't say
i'm sorry for not telling you how i really felt
i'm sorry for being the prince of terrible things
im sorry for killing yours and my dreams
i'm sorry for the awkward situations that never let me say
"i'm sorry for feeling this way"
i'm sorry for making things hard
i'm sorry for making it easy
i'm sorry for never being there for myself
i'm sorry for being blind to love
i'm sorry it never let me in
i'm sorry for late night drives that made you cry
i'm sorry for not living while i'm alive
i'm sorry, i'll make up for it next time.

going on a limb with no sure way to land...

demeaning in the sense of guns at your sides, you might as well fire at will
aim for the head, at least put them out of your misery.
all you do is talk, talk, talk, but you've seemed to forget to walk
or stand, for that matter
so here's you sincere apology:
"i'm so sorry you're not wrapped around a tree"
everything's an ache for your head, but you're a pain my ass.
just breathe while you still got it, i'm about to take it away
with these words that i've got, none of them could make you stay.


a word that kind of rhymes with 'glove',

"don't wanna be a boy but wanna be a man"

hanging on every word, and i'm getting pushed off.
you're crossing every line, but this time i'll draw a wall
wish i could mutter a word like harry potter and make everything better
"lumos" my day and "expelliarmus" your heart.
together we can move mountains
now i'm down to throwing rocks
and i'm aiming at everything that ever meant anything to you.
they say 'big girls don't cry', but i'm trying my best to bust that myth
i'm adam and jamie in every sense of the phrase.
you know, the one that pays off.
i'd scream at you if i could, but what is there to say
except for "i never had you anyway"


love, and all the baggage that's with it

FW:

Don't write me off if you haven't got any ink of your own to do it with.

"You’re sleeping with the light on like you’re dying to be found out."

i'm sick of taking hits, i want to write them.
paper hearts being burned for warmth.
holding out for what's not worth your time
for my best friends and your secrets
i'll find myself in your head again
just longing to be someone else
i'm not all there cause you've got a piece of me still
i'm all wrong ; starting with you
and all the guns you've had to my head
my best friend
are the blankets and sheets that you once used
they keep me close and heavy thoughts at bay
i loved everything about you that wont make it out alive
we're kissing for good luck and not much else.

you know i do,

"and you've got the spark i've been looking for"

i wasn't the first kid to write about hearts, cars, or sinking heads with matching stomaches.
nor will i be the last.
i wasn't the first to dream of hitting the west coat
i wasn't the first to bathe in city lights
i don't do it best
i'm not a trendsetter
i'm not the man of your dreams
i'm not the only boy with problems
i don't have a great character


but i'm a heart of gold and a head full of ideas

Multimedia message

Dear you and nobody listening: never stay between the rode and the ones less traveled

can't believe what belief means to believers anymore

not a hell of a lot.
if i took your head where i wanted it to go
we'd be on the road for days.
no one would ever find us
let's gets married to our inhibitions
we'll never cross the line in the sand if you never draw it
i'd cradle your head, pick you up off the bathroom floor
baby you can't let the booze do this anymore
i've got a glove box full of angry words and trunk full of regrets
but i'd drive it off the nearest cliff if it brought me to you
the crowd doesn't love you when you're off your knees
but i might see potential.
do you know what you're getting into?
if so please let me know
brain is on a strike, can't agree with the heart
if i could fit in a mailbox i'd send myself to you
todays forecast: partly desperate with a chance of redemption
you're a nerd and my head is a comic book convention
you're always on my mind
wish it went both ways

"i can't seem to shake this awful feeling..."

It's late. better than forever i never say. the only things that should tie you down are ropes and states of mind. but this way of thinking involves rings and "i do's." i could die with[out] you. i'll never learn my lesson and you'll never learn your place. what's love got to do with it anyway.

"how do i look?" "like gold."

I can't fucking sleep.
i'm the soundtrack to your right now. but i'm the record you never bought.
tried to make you laugh but i'm the joke you never caught
'the boy with a million problems' is what you could say
but you've gotta be the same goddamn way.
i'd never live it down if you weren't
i'm not exactly him
and i won't ever be
tongues of stone rests on glass jaws[which one will break first]
we could play the field, but neither of us have great arms
so why don't you and i and me and you settle this between sheets?

sink a heart and steal a ship
lovingyouiseasycauseyou'rebeautiful

cats out of the bag, get the box.

so maybe i let one person know about this. it's healthy, right?
it puts me out into fresh air, but i think i'm hanging out to dry.
can't sleep, i'm on this high
it consists of dreaming and sleeping; but just so i can dream of you.
it's corny, but what the hell isn't anymore
i'm the boring conversation, the awkward pause between words.
here's to many more to come[or so one hopes]
i'll keep you a secret if you let me
not a soul will know, even if they test me
but it's all up how you sigh and shrug.
or dodge my eyes when you talk
stuck in america--but who wants to get out

we're out of the woods now, let's burn it to the ground

i'm sure i made an impression
but i know it's always gonna be the wrong one.
i was sure that it didn't graze me
but this heart--it weighs a ton.
we all know how it goes
but we don't know how it ends.
you build yourself up into this gigantic wall
i'm bringing the bulldozers with me this time
they're in the form of secrets and cries for help
ones that you'll never hear.
i guess it's the 'tortured artist' in me
but who's to say i don't torture back.
i'd sure love to leave you hanging once
like this boy, you left him like laundry [wrap your head around that]
i'm cancer in human form
don't get too close to me
i hate the phone, but please call me
i'll talk to you all night long if it gets you beside me.
you can visit me in prison.
cause that's where they wanna send me.
but i won't go down like a sinking ship
i won't go down at all.

you.can't.touch.me.


love,

re: trading moon for sun, actions forwards

with all these cheap words, i've got to be a least a dollar short.
and given the stakes
i'd trade you for the world.
and deal with the opportunity costs.
drowned my self pity
held it's head under water.
now i'm out for blood--or love.
i'm not sure which.
for a sweetheart, you sure taste sour.
i died that night
on the roof of my house with you.
i'm the in the business of selling yourself, business is great.


L-word,

Multimedia message

I have a purple heart, but for what it really is. a shade darker than blue.

"in which the sun shines and we learn what happened to the whipping boy, the prince, and everyone else"

i'm the itch in your scar, the crash in your car. and every single word you say adds a bullet to my resume (and sometimes my head).
it's odd how words have a choke hold on me.
street songs sing me to sleep
through highways and streetlights.
get me out of this town.
you look good in a moonlight kind of way.
i'm half past goodbyes at the price of giving in and bowing out(and i wish you were here)
i'm a wreck and hope you are too.


love,

"this is the last time i'm gonna let her do this to me"

i have no fucking clue why i do this.
put my own gun to my own head and sink my own ship.
i beat myself up over you, my insides are bruised
last year it was a toll i couldn't bear to pay
this year, it's no different, except it's your fucking face.
i hate to look at you
but love to think of you
we're making up, and making out [and i'm talking in more ways than one]
and i've got a bet with your car window that says: i love you more than he does.

truefuckingwhoknows.

who needs love when all the hate is here?

people don't change but have two faces.
i see a new one everday
i'm a hometown hero made villian.
made infamous with words behind my back
i'm a dead shot, but always off.
you're a sure bet, but i'm a loss.
to the love that never made it past pen or keyboard,
to the hearts that are made stone and carved in to you.
to kids like us,
to liars and fakes.
to trainwreck romances and desperate last chances.
to wearing hearts on your sleeves like a fashion statement.
to the times that you almost gave up
but the pen had saved a life.
to every boy that ever felt like this.


love,

my chest was beating, the last time i checked...

updating from the phone again, watching talk shows.
just thinking about being okay makes it okay , if only for a little while.
build a bridge and burn it.
don't worry kid, you've earned it.
you don't look a day over headaches and "i dont cares."

truefuckinglove. if only to someone in particular

sixteen forever (til we turn seventeen)

i've been on my own so long, it's the only thing i do know how to do.
guess i'll just throw you into the ditch of my mind, throw some dirt on your chest.
try to bury you from my memory. not like we had any to start.
i'm a last chance, the last stop.
you never gave me the time
he loves pushing you down
you get back up again
one of these days he'll hit a homer.
i'm a golden boy with plastic plating.
give.me.a.chance.


love,

Multimedia message (from yours truly)

it's always the nights that you don't miss, i'm the prince of feeling like this.







just crowned king.

we're bad habits with good reputations

no one will ever read this.

and that's ok.



sometime this home isn't a home. sometimes you're not you and i'm not me. alcohol does it for you, it's anyones guess what's in it for me.
i'm around to see you smile, and i hate to see you leave.
but the things i've felt a beating heart wouldn't believe.
you don't exactly have a name or face, you could be anyone.
but you're not.
you're an accident in my head, and it looks like a 50 car pile up.
the more eyeliner you put on is just that much more he can make run off.
call it teenage hormones, call it what you wish.
please, call it something.
i'm a ship, and with every word you say i get a sinking feeling.
i don't have the heart nor guts to tell you how i feel.
my insides are hollow, but you know how that goes.

i'll be your summer song and you can be my weak knees.

love,